Scary Movie Month 2015 Day 31: Happy Halloween!

In Memoriam: Scary Movie Month 2015 

I've got no movie today. Technically we did make it halfway through a midnight screening/shadowcast performance of Repo! The Genetic Opera here at the Spooky Empire horror convention but the performance was lame and also that movie is terrible. Anthony Stewart Head has got some strong pipes, though. 

Not a lot of time to write today thanks to Spooky, but I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who's been reading and commenting here and on the Twitter machine. This is my favorite time of year, and talking horror and hearing about what everyone is watching, from old favorites to new discoveries, is always fantastic. I have a tremendous list of movies to catch up on thanks to everyone championing what they're digging, and there are few things on this planet that make me happier than the anticipation of new horror.

That's all I've really got today, I've gotta get rambling if I'm gonna catch the Fright Night panel (William Ragsdale, Amanda Bearse and Stephen Fucking Geoffreys are here). Thank you all, stay safe and have a happy Halloween!

Scary Movie Month 2015 Day 30: Halloween III: Season of the Witch

Halloween III: Season of the Witch

Normally I save this one for Halloween itself, but I'll be at Spooky Empire horror con tomorrow, so I won't have time for a Scary Movie Month movie (however I will still post something here for the three of you reading this). I wrote about this one last year as well, but it's a Halloween tradition for me so I had to write about it again. Deal with it, jerks.

I adore this movie, because it's not only an entertaining riff on Invasion of the Body Snatchers, it's also wall-to-wall batshit insane. Angel-who-walks-among-us-as-man Tom Atkins stars as Dan Challis, a doctor-slash-estranged-father-slash-lothario-slash-drunk. He stumbles across a plot masterminded by Conal Cochran, CEO of Silver Shamrock Novelties (Dan O'Herlihy, gloriously unhinged), to kill a whole bunch of children on Halloween night by using a television signal to trigger pieces of Stonehenge that are also insect-and-snake-producing lasers  sewn into the popular masks he manufactures to melt the heads of the kids wearing the masks. Feel free to read that (admittedly run-on) sentence again and let it sink in. Oh, and also there are people who are actually robots, one of whom kills a guy by breaking his nose FROM INSIDE HIS HEAD. Have I mentioned that this is a certifiably batshit movie?

This year it was even more fun than usual because I watched it with a commentary track recorded by (some of) the F This Movie! crew which is (as always) both hilarious and informative. From discussing the genesis of the movie and its place in the Halloween franchise to pointing out goofy details like Challis' handkerchief (or "dickcloth") I enjoyed every moment of the track, it really helped to make the movie feel fresh. Also, it was a kick to hear JB's assertion that it's not a good movie completely deflate as he kept pointing out more and more things he liked. For a movie about a crazed Irish mask-maker and his robot minions attempting to murder as many children as possible with Stonehenge-lasers it's strangely likable. From the painfully early-80's computerized opening credits to the legitimately great (and frighteningly bleak) final shot it's a tremendously fun watch. Plus you'll never get the Silver Shamrock jingle out of your head, ever, not even if you're the victim of a laser-equipped Halloween mask. Hap-py hap-py Halloween, Silver Shamrock!

Scary Movie Month 2015 Day 29: WNUF Halloween Special

WNUF Halloween Special

I'm kind of torn about this one. Stylistically I greatly appreciate what they're doing, but narratively it's significantly less satisfying. The concept is great: what we're seeing is a VHS recording of a Halloween special aired on local TV on Halloween night 1987 in which a reporter takes a group of people into a supposedly haunted house. As would befit a VHS recording of that time, all of the commercials are in place and I could legitimately imagine someone who doesn't know this was actually shot in 2013 thinking that it was authentic. They really have the details down of that era of television, and it's as convincing a recreation as you're ever going to see.

As convincing as the production is, the novelty wears a bit thin by the halfway point. Yes, including the commercials is a very clever conceit, but the "station breaks" come so often that it begins to feel like so much padding. Also, while the commercials feel very authentic, it tends to pull the audience out of the movie when the sixth commercial for a show that never existed comes up. There was never a moment where I stopped thinking "this sure does look like the real thing" which only served to remind me that of course it wasn't the real thing. The whole special is just over 80 minutes as it is, but it might have benefited from removing three or four of those breaks and clocking in at around an hour. 

Once the proverbial excrement hits the cooling device and the allegedly haunted house turns out to be exactly that, things escalate so quickly that there's no real time for tension to build. It's a very impressive production that leaves itself almost no room to tell a story, which is disappointing. I appreciate the novelty of it and the artistry involved in recreating the look of a 1987 television broadcast so exactly, but when all is said and done it feels like no more than that: a novelty. That novelty is certainly worth a look, and the intention is worth applauding, but I wish it was a strong enough movie to be recommended as more than a curiosity. 

Scary Movie Month 2015 Day 28: Transylvania 6-5000

Transylvania 6-5000

I blame Mel Brooks. I grew up watching his movies and listening to his & Carl Reiner's 2000 Year Old Man records over and over and over (and over), so I have a tremendous soft spot for his borscht belt style of comedy. It's silly, it's often infantile, and more often than not it makes me laugh. That combined with a love of monster movies makes me a pretty big fan of this goofball lark written and directed by Rudy De Luca, cowriter of a whole bunch of Brooks' movies (but typically not the good ones). 

Jeff Goldblum (dreamy as always) and Ed Begley, Jr. are tabloid reporters sent to Transylvania by their editor (Norman Fell!) to chase down a Frankenstein story. This leads to all sorts of monstery chicanery as they cross paths with a mad scientist (Joseph Bologna, playing to the cheap seats), a scheming hunchback (John Byner), a sexy vampire (Geena Davis, hooooooooly shit, worth seeing the movie just for her costume) and assorted wacky townsfolk. 

The interplay between Goldblum and Begley is legitimately pretty great, and they manage to wring laughs out of material that really doesn't earn it. Whenever they're offscreen the movie suffers, though Bologna appears to be having fun going so broad and there's charm in that.

Overall it's a tame, harmless, silly little comedy that for some reason (read: Goldblum) has remained on my radar for thirty years. I was in first or second grade when it hit cable, and it was one of those movies that seemed to play almost daily on HBO at that time, but I'm still surprised how fondly I remember it and how well it still works for me. Comedy is just as subjective as horror, and this certainly won't play as well for everyone, but I had a pretty big smile on my face the whole way through. I'd love to have seen what someone with a deft comic touch and genuine affection for horror movies like Brooks could have done with the same material (as a director, De Luca is a pretty decent screenwriter) but at least Goldblum & Begley's chemistry manages to keep it afloat. Also, did I mention Davis' outfit? Because that has also remained a very fond memory for thirty years. Ahem.

Scary Movie Month 2015 Day 27: The House That Dripped Blood

The House That Dripped Blood 

Another reader request, this one from my friend Nicky who is a straight-up horror authority and often knows my tastes better than I do. She knows I love anthologies so she recommended this one from Amicus, the studio behind my favorite anthologies Tales from the Crypt (1972) and The Vault of Horror (1973). This is a bit different from those in structure in that all four of the stories here (plus the framing story) take place in the same location, a house that has seen its share of horror over the years. Also, while Crypt and Vault were both based on EC Comics stories, these tales are all based on Robert Bloch stories, with the man himself adapting them for the screen.

It's not quite as consistent as the EC movies, and the twists are a bit more predictable, but the stories are entertaining and feature a few standout performances by the likes of Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, Denholm Elliott, Jon Pertwee, and Joss "Diplomatic Immunity" Ackland. It starts off strong with probably the best story in the bunch, featuring Elliott as a writer who is haunted by his own murderous creation (shades of I, Madman and Martin Scorsese's episode of Amazing Stories, "Mirror, Mirror," both of which are things I love). It's a scary concept effectively executed.

The next two stories are a bit weaker, but there aren't any in the movie I'd call bad. One concerns Cushing and Ackland as friends who become obsessed with a waxwork that resembles a woman from their past, and the next features Lee as an abusive father whose young daughter turns to the supernatural for revenge. Both follow somewhat predictable beats but they also both have moments that work. 

Things pick up again in the final story, with Pertwee (who was playing Doctor Who at the time as well) starring as a horror film star whose costume cape turns its wearer into an actual vampire. It helps that this segment also features the luminous Ingrid Pitt, who is welcome to bite my neck any time she wishes. 

While none of the stories are quite as effective or memorable (or scary) as those in Crypt and Vault, this is still a better-than-average anthology and worth checking out if you're into that kind of thing. What it's really missing is the wicked streak of dark humor that permeates the EC movies, it takes itself just a tad too seriously, but that's not enough to sink it completely. Amicus produced such high quality movies that even their weaker efforts tended to be worth seeing, and this is no exception. If it sounds like I'm being hard on it, it's only because some of their other work is so strong that it makes for a pretty high bar to clear.

Scary Movie Month 2015 Day 26: Ravenous

Ravenous 

Hey, it's a reader request! My friend Fabian asked me to do this one at some point this month and since I loved Bone Tomahawk yesterday it seemed like the right time to revisit another Civil War-era cannibal movie featuring David Arquette in a small role (which is turning out to be a surprisingly robust subgenre). This one is a lot goofier, but it's also buckets of fun.

Guy Pearce, who should be in everything, stars as a US soldier during the Mexican-American War who is stationed in a remote California outpost when a disheveled man (Robert Carlyle) appears at the base with wild tales of cannibalistic survival. Turns out that there's more to his tale than Pearce and the other members of his regiment (including Jeffrey Jones, Neal McDonough, and Jeremy Davies) realize, and things go next-level bonkers (™ Jason Mantzoukas) from there.

Where the cannibal threat in Bone Tomahawk was deadly serious, here it's a lot sillier. It's stated at one point that to consume the flesh of another gives you that person's life energy, which basically turns this into Highlander with moderately less goofy accents as people are absorbing each other's energies all willy-nilly. It's a lot of silly fun, with Antonia Bird's energetic direction and Damon Albarn & Michael Nyman's quirky score helping it stand out from the crowd. The tone is kept light despite the subject matter and setting, and that comic tone (along with a bunch of fun performances, Carlyle in particular has maybe never been better) keeps the material from ever getting downbeat. This is one of the best comic horror movies of the 90s, and while it tanked in theaters it's easy to see why its cult has grown on home video and it has such a strong reputation in the horror community. It's on a special-feature-packed blu-ray from Scream Factory (doing the Lord's work, as usual) and absolutely worth tracking down. Just don't watch it when you're hungry.

Scary Movie Month 2015 Day 25: Bone Tomahawk

Bone Tomahawk 

It feels like it's practically a spoiler just to list this western as a Scary Movie Month entry, but I'm running with it because when it gets horrific it does not pull any punches. Come to think of it, it opens pretty horrifically too, with David Arquette and Sid Haig robbing the bodies of a group of people they just murdered. As they do so they encounter a tribe of monstrous savages (to use the parlance of the movie) which starts a chain of events that leads sheriff Kurt Russell to hunt down the mysterious, possibly supernatural tribe. 

The majority of the movie is a straightforward western with Russell, deputy Richard Jenkins, cowboy Patrick Wilson, and dangerous dandy Matthew Fox tracking down the savages in order to save Wilson's wife and Russell's other deputy, kidnapped by the tribe. The dialogue during this section of the movie is pretty great, with the ragtag group of trackers building a rapport as they get deeper and deeper into unknown territory. Jenkins in particular gets to be funny without ever being the butt of the joke, which would have been an easy trap for a lesser movie to fall into. 

Russell is excellent (as if that's any sort of surprise) and centers the movie with charm and a clear sense of righteousness. He knows the danger he's heading into, but he doesn't shirk his duties for a second. When things take a turn for the horrific (and boy do they), character still comes first and every member of the hunting party acts according to their character, making them feel like fleshed-out people, not like constructs acting out the whims of a screenwriter. 

Not content with being just a damn solid, satisfying horror movie, this is also one of the best westerns to come along in some time, completely deserving of the talent and mustache Russell brings to it. Alternately funny, suspenseful, and haunting, it's kind of a shame this is playing limited/VOD because it would have played wonderfully in a theater. Even at home it's completely absorbing, but it would have been nice to have the chance to see it on the big screen. Get it together, audiences. This is exactly the kind of original movie we complain about not getting anymore as we file into the latest Transformers-branded noise factory.