Scary Movie Month 2016: Misery (But For Real)

So I had a plan this month to write as much as I can about Stephen King adaptations. It appears, however, that I'm going to have to cancel that plan. You see, the Annie Wilkes-ian specter of real life has got its sledgehammer (or ax, if you're a Constant Reader) in its hand and it's swinging like hell for my already feeble ankles.

This is the first Scary Movie Month in 3 years I've had to tap out due to unforeseen circumstances, and to the small handful of people who read these (hi mom), I appreciate your support and I thank you for reading my ramblings. Hopefully things will become more manageable soon but in the meantime: enjoy your Scary Movie Month, and I hope to be on here rambling away again soon. 

Scary Movie Month 2016: Battleground

Battleground 

I wanted to start with a lesser-known and under-appreciated King adaptation, and while this is an episode of television rather than an actual movie I feel it fits the bill nicely. Adapted for basic cable as part of the Nightmares and Dreamscapes anthology series (even though the story is from the Night Shift collection), this tribute to Richard Matheson's Amelia (itself memorably adapted as the final story in Trilogy of Terror, the one with Karen Black menaced by a Zuni fetish doll, the doll even makes a brief cameo here) is a fun, briskly paced tale of suspense.

William Hurt (always awesome) plays a hitman who, in the opening sequence, takes out the CEO of a toy company. When he returns home he finds that he has been delivered a suspicious package that turns out to be a small foot locker filled with army toys. Being a Stephen King story, the toys come to life (l'chaim!) and set out on a mission of vengeance against Hurt.

The silly, pulpy material is played completely straight, which goes a long way toward making it effective. Matheson's son, Richard Christian Matheson, wrote the adaptation and it's directed by someone who knows a thing or two about bringing life to inanimate objects, Brian Henson, son of Muppet mastermind Jim Henson. The special effects are for the most part terrific (some are a little wonky, but what do you want from a decade-old television production?) and they keep the threat escalating in new and interesting ways.

What really makes this stand out is that the story is told without a single word of spoken dialogue, and that choice is quite effective. Lots of filmmakers (particularly modern filmmakers) wouldn't trust their audience enough to tell a story without spoken exposition, and it's a great choice that serves the story well. Hurt is excellent in the lead, and there's never a moment where he refuses to believe what's happening which is a refreshing take on this sort of thing. Having him accept his situation at face value and try to work his way out of it helps the threat feel legitimately threatening and amps up the tension nicely. The pace is terrific, too, this thing really moves.

Nightmares and Dreamscapes as a whole is a well made, satisfying anthology series and absolutely worth seeking out (it's available on DVD for around $10 on Amazon). I may talk about other episodes later on (can you tell I don't have these things mapped out in the slightest?) or I may not, but either way I strongly recommend tracking it down.

I'll be offline for the next couple of days (happy new year to my fellow Hebrews and Shebrews) but I'll be back Wednesday to see what else the King has in store for us. In the meantime, make sure all your toys are put away. Maybe count them to make sure they're all there. Some of them could be missing.

They could be hiding.

Waiting.

Scary Movie Month 2016: Hail to the King, Baby

Let's talk, you and I. Let's talk about fear.

Those are the first words I ever read that were written by Stephen King (they began the introduction to Night Shift, his first collection of short stories), and they changed my life. They were intimate yet forbidding, and they made me feel both intrigued and very, very nervous. I was much too young to be reading some of the stories in that book, and I was a kid who was very easily scared by movies and such. That being said...Uncle Stevie wanted to talk to me, and who was I to refuse?

As I dug into that book and learned about the dangers of possessed motor vehicles, demonic laundry presses, vengeful army toys, the parentless children of Gatlin, Nebraska, spoiled beer, and all the rest, I was certainly scared but I was also feeling something that the horror movies I had seen up to that point hadn't made me feel: joy. Exhilaration. I was having fun. As scary as the stories were (and to my 10-or-so-year-old brain they were fucking terrifying), as each one came to an end I couldn't wait to see what the next one had in store, to see where Uncle Stevie would take me next. I trusted him, even though I was afraid of him. 

The next book of his I attempted to read was the brand new (at the time) It. I say attempted because I got only a few pages in before poor little Georgie Denbrough went chasing after his paper-and-paraffin boat and accepted his final balloon from Pennywise the Dancing Clown. That opening shook me to the core and scared me so much that I didn't build up the courage to go back to the book for over a year to read the next thousand pages, many of which contained nightmares that have never been and will never be matched. Finishing It (again, much too young) was running a gauntlet, and after I finished, my first order of business was to grab whatever I could get my hands on that had the name Stephen King on the cover (next up for me was Thinner, and that's a deliciously poisonous slice of Gypsy pie).

Every fan of King that I know refers to themselves the same way King himself refers to us: we are Constant Readers. He speaks to us, to our family of Constant Readers, in his introductions and annotations, and he always does so in such a personable manner that it feels like a conversation. Let's talk, you and I. Even if you're not addressed by name, you are a Constant Reader, and that's enough to let you know he's having this conversation with you, he can hear your voice just as clearly as you can hear his. That avuncular tone inviting us into the darkness, making us feel safe and scared for our very lives all at once, that's magic. There's nothing else like it, and imitators be damned there's no one else like Stephen King.

As much as I love and will always love King's writing, there's another thing that I love and always look forward to despite the fact that it can often be a crushing disappointment: movie (and television) adaptations of King's work. They are legion, and they range from excellent (The Shining, The Dead Zone, Misery) to execrable (The Mangler, Pet Sematary Two, most of the Children of the Corn franchise). These are what I've chosen to write about this year, and yes I'm including sequels and such that aren't directly based on his books or stories but still wouldn't exist without him (so something like Lawnmower Man 2: Jobe's War counts, while something that's only inspired by King like Stranger Things doesn't count. Make sense?). The order in which I write about them will be random, because I have a feeling that going chronologically would be a bit depressing, quality-wise. I won't cover every single adaptation out there, but just whatever strikes my fancy on the day that I'm writing each post.

The other thing I'm doing a little differently this year is that my posts won't be daily. I'm going to write as much as I can, but unfortunately I won't have the time to post every day and to be perfectly honest I want to enjoy this time bathing myself in the works of my favorite writer, I don't want it to start to feel like homework, so I'm going to pace myself a bit. Thank you to those of you who read these, and who encourage me to keep writing them. I will be back tomorrow with more.

Now let's talk, you and I. Let's talk about fear.

Happy Scary Movie Month!