976-EVIL
I sincerely hope that this is as low as Scary Month Goes because I can't imagine sitting through something worse than this. This isn't "so bad it's good" it's "so bad it's embarrassing".
The story (such as it is) follows a teen named Hoax (no, really. According to this movie Hoax is a name that has been given to a human person) as he uses a demonic 976 "Horrorscope" number to avenge himself on bullies and such. As played by future gay porn icon Stephen Geoffreys, Hoax goes from unlikable to somehow less likable over the course of the movie. Geoffreys' shrillness worked very well for the role of Evil Ed in the great Fright Night, but here it's just too much to make it possible to sympathize with Hoax.
There are no good performances in the movie, but Geoffreys isn't even the worst. That dubious honor goes to Academy Award winner Sandy Dennis in one of her last movies. She goes so far over the top as Hoax's religious zealot mother that she practically has to tunnel back up from the bottom of the screen. I'd say it's a performance that has to be seen to be believed, but I don't think anybody should have to see this.
It was directed by Robert Englund, who rose to fame playing Freddy Krueger. The direction is uninspired at best, leaving us with a 90 minute horror movie without a single scare. Englund has only directed one other movie (unseen by me), a comedy called Killer Pad, released about 20 years after 976-EVIL. The fact that he hasn't directed more is not a surprise.
There is some good news here. The fact that the plot is centered around a 976 number means we should be spared a remake, as 976 numbers no longer exist. Thank God for progress, I guess.
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