Scary Movie Month, Day 20

Texas Chainsaw 3D (in 2D)

Oh, Texas Chainsaw series you scamp, let's take a look at the path that led us here. The original was a groundbreaking work of art, a terrifyingly visceral classic. The second is an over-the-top dark comedy that most people hate but most people are wrong because it's a blast (I actually prefer it to the first. I know the first is technically better, but I'd rather watch the second any time). The third is somewhere in between, but mostly a drag. The fourth is an absolute garbage movie, just a total mess. The too-slick remake works as a jump-scare machine but not much else, and the ill-conceived prequel to that was as forgettable as a movie centered around chainsaw murder could possibly be. So that's six movies of varying quality, and now we have a seventh, purportedly a direct sequel to the original masterpiece.

A direct sequel that takes place...um...some time after the first one. The timeframe is not terribly clear. Anyway, our main character is Heather, a young lady who finds out that she's a long-lost member of the infamous Sawyer clan so she heads to Texas with a group of friends to claim the Sawyer home. Nobody told her about the murderous cannibal in the basement, but what are you gonna do?

It takes a turn during the last half hour that might have been interesting if we knew anything at all about Heather but there's nothing there. Her boyfriend is having an affair with another girl on the trip with them, but nothing ever comes of that, either. It's a detail with no meaning, it does nothing to build any of the characters and is never mentioned after the killing starts so what was it there for other than to give us a shot of Tania Raymonde in her underwear? All the characters are no more than empty vessels, nothing more than meat for the various saws, hooks, hatchets, and grinders to saw, hook, hatchet and grind. I want to appreciate what they were going for by the end, but boy they sure don't make it easy. What could have been something fun and different is tedious, dull, and empty. It's also full of laughably bad CGI so there's something to react to, at least.